Monday, May 6, 2013

"Getting To Know You"

Having spent the day analysing our 16 lovely candidates (not contestants), I can safely say it’s still akin to the usual Big Brother-esque famehungers that have haunted the Apprentice for the last couple of series. Some initial thoughts on our businessmen and women…

-          Alex could naturally get away as ‘The Welsh One’ but he has the misfortune of coming across as a Thunderbird puppet with added eyebrows. I did give myself a chuckle when he said he was good looking… he’s not. Still, did enjoy the direct, no nonsense attitude. Could go far.

-          There wasn't a great deal to pick up from Francesca, except for the only thing I can see her making hard and ruthless is the Taxi door when she gets voted off in, ooo 4 weeks.

-          I could say ‘Posh tool’ and ‘Wet blanket’ for Jason but clearly I’m meant to think he’s a creepy pervert. Admitting to saying he seduces people to get what he wants is rather chilling. Akin to a chameleon, he will be a hate figure.

-          Jaz claims that she is the “Brad Pitt of the Teacher Training Industry (when it comes to literacy)”. That’s a bit like me saying I’m the Scarlett Johansson of eating Bourbon biscuits, the Asda Value ones. She claims to be a comedian too but reminded me of the horrible bitch supervisor/boss you get in call centres.

-          The only candidate to offer any good insight to their motivations of going on the show this season is Jordan – “I know how it feels to struggle to feed the kids as much as I know how it feels to fly in private jets”. Such a killer line. Likable in a school captain of the football team kind of way.

-          As well as saying he’s like Steven Gerrard, Kurt must have the same sense as him. I know he thinks he’s going on a gameshow. Talking about dining in the nicest restaurants, going to best places and driving in Ferraris, the boy will have to make do with his runner up prize of his nicely trimmed beard.

-          Now here’s the one I don’t get – lovely Leah is a sexpot undoubtedly, coming from Northern Ireland and “disarming with charm”, but what is she doing here? Did she get lost on the way to auditions to Take Me Out? Didn’t really display any business sense compared to other with no buzzwords.

-          Similarly, Luisa didn’t exactly cover herself in glory by stating “I’m not one for corporate jargon, I just buy stuff.” Doesn’t exactly show off a business mind, nor is she professional looking with a pink skull neckerchief. I question her team building skills with her declaration of “If someone doesn’t like me, do one!” That’s nice, I hope she gets shafted off episode five after pissing off all her teammates.

-          And the role of Arnold Rimmer in the remake of Red Dwarf goes to Myles. He says there’s talkers and there’s doers. Well he can do one after saying confidence is not an issue for him… rather sheepishly.

-          Obsessive Natalie loves money so much, she repeats herself. She’s half greek and my life experience has taught me never to trust a greek so we’re off to a good start. In fact, she looks a little bit like Medusa. Also throws in the standard “give 200% no, 2, 3, 4, 500%” line. You can’t give that much, it’s simply impossible to go above physical and mental capabilities. Except with drugs.

-          I think Neil is just a lonely man in need of a cuddle. Proudly declaring his leisure time is making sure he’s ready for work and he doesn’t go down the boozer with workmates, the man comes across as a complete sad act. You remember the Stephen King telly film with the director’s son who goes mental about not getting to a meeting on time because they slip into another dimension? This guy in 2 years. Keen on Cheat 2 Win ideology as well.

-          I feel sorry for Morticia Adams lookalike Rebecca. Her BBC bio makes her out to be some kind of freak when she’s rather not hatable.

-          I love when people on The Apprentice say they’re “young and successful”. Okay, how? Let’s see where you succeeded. It’s like when on Young Apprentice, a 16 year old makes out they’re the CEO of their own company. It’s not going to be Microsoft is it you fud. Anyway, Sophie comes across as a criminally interesting individual. She states “If I didn’t back myself, I’d be dead by now.”….. WHAT?! Explain now! Has she been gambling herself away in illegal Asian casinos that do people trading? Also, not endearing herself to the masses, she says that selling Sweet & Sour Chicken in her restaurant was tacky. Well surely that’s what people want from going into an Asian restaurant?

-          Wouldn’t want to work in an office with Tim – he says calling him nice is like an insult. “Nice shirt Tim”, “Never speak to me again!” Also very physically animated. Looks like he’s about to burst out into a dance routine.

-          Uzma hates animals but loves her business mind, which is a fair trade off I suppose. Comes across as bit morally bankrupt.

-          Now for my favourite Zeeshaam. He is the Mr. T of The Apprentice! He’s achieved every thing he’s set out to do!!!... more or less. Likening himself to Lord Sugar’s equal, he promises to be great entertainment if he keeps this up!

Not a massively likable bunch to me. Jordan comes across as cocky but interesting with a bit of business nous. Leah is the pretty girl that’s walked onto the wrong show. Zeeshaam is the comic relief on a show that doesn’t really have that angle. Well least his “You’re Fired” episode should be entertaining. Overall, initial thoughts say it’s not a bumper crop of candidates this year. Here’s hoping they pick up when the show starts!

No comments:

Post a Comment